The Pressure Is On
I would definitely agree that I am the type of person that puts a lot of pressure on herself to succeed. In a way, this is good. I’ve been able to leave a job knowing how to work every department and I have gained trust and respect and a ton of knowledge along the way.
But what happens when IM in control?
This weekend, with the help of my dad I was able to apply for my first ever student loan. Previously when I was in community college, I had help from my parents or put tuition on my credit card (so stupid). I went to college just because its what im ‘supposed’ to do. I went there not knowing what I wanted or was passionate about. So I strung along and THANKFULLY found a direction, but in nothing i truly loved.But this is the big time, this is what I want.
I have to say I was completely SHOCKED about how much it will cost me in the end to borrow the amount that I needed. I mean with interest, it’s really not to far from paying DOUBLE what I needed to borrow even with the lowest possible interest rate!
I looked at my monthly payments which work out to ~$380 per month for 8 years.
I know some of you have been there done that, but I just need to express the pressure I now feel.
This means that I have to come up with that amount of money PLUS my regular expenses, PLUS possible commuting costs if I get a job in the city. I have to make sure I do something that is able to handle all of this financially.
And so. . . . I’ve decided to become a stripper instead of go to school.
. . . .kidding
It took a lot for me to reassure myself that everything would be ok going into this a bit free spirited. I told myself that no matter what if nothing but knowledge comes from this, I will be ok where I’m at and have time to figure things out.
But, the chokehold of finance really put a damper on that.
I’m not saying that I was just going to graduate then hang out for a while and see what happened. But I really didn’t want there to be this scary elephant in the room.
I know ill be ok, but again it’s the fear of the unknown that kills me. The fear that I will be struggling. The fear that I wasn’t good enough to get a job good enough to pay my bills.
On the other hand, it might be a good thing as it is somewhat of a positive stress or motivation. I am willing to work hard and I am willing to put myself out there to follow my passion.
But jeez . . . Money Sucks!
Thank you for listening to today’s rant.