The Meaning Of Thunder
Last week I had a strange dream . . .
Me, my siblings and my cousin were hanging out in a living room that seemed familiar but was probably just a mesh of living rooms my mind created.
We were playing video games. Lauren happened to be hogging the Nintendo for some reason . . . in fact, I think we were still at video game age in my dream.
It started to storm and a HUGE bolt of lightening whizzed into the backyard. We waited for the thunder to follow, but it took a few seconds. The thunder came crashing with a vengeance and was one of the loudest I have ever heard. In fact, it was so loud that it ended up jolting me awake and out of breath.
Because I am a product of my generation, I googled . . .
“Loud Thunder In Dream Jolted Me Awake . . . What does it mean?”
I found a few different explanations and they all basically said the same thing. I was holding anger and frustration inside that I couldn’t outwardly express in my outside life.
I thought about it a lot that week. Sure, there are some minor things that I am frustrated about . . . things that I really cant change but what was so big that warranted this warning?
I also happened to notice a fog of negativity that has been clouding up my days lately. It wasn’t overpowering, but something definitely wasn’t right in the past month or so.
Today at lunch I had a little spat with Chris that brought me to my bed sobbing like a baby. I wasn’t crying about our spat though. I was crying because through all of this, I started to realize what I was truly angry about.
I’m not having any FUN!
Sure, I give myself at least 10min of Self-Care a day where I sit and do nothing. I have fun at school and I’m loving what I’m doing there. I have fun going out to eat with Chris, and blogging is fun too . . .
But I’m talking about FUN . . .
The kind of fun where you laugh so hard you pee yourself. The fun that has you letting go and living in the present and not caring what the next day holds because you don’t want NOW to end. The kind of fun that you can get only by being silly with your best friends. The kind of fun that you get from spending time doing something that YOU want to do just for the pure purpose of making yourself happy and no one else.
I haven’t had any of the above in a long while. Its making me bitter. Its making me jealous of those who CAN and do have fun. Its making me think that I am running my life like its all business.
Its making me angry.
And its making me frustrated.
Even though this is only one thing, it seems to be affecting a lot of aspects in my life as of late. In fact, I realize now that I can completely blame the negative fog on this among other things.
I know I am busy, and I know there is a lot to be done that is all on my shoulders. I get and accept this. But something has got to be done about this. I’m sliding back into robot mode and I need to stop it before it consumes me again.
And even though I am unsure of how to solve this problem, I do know that I am grateful I was “listening”. It just goes to show you, if something isn’t quite right, it will manifest some way some how. However, if your not being mindful . . . you’ll never know!
Have any tips on how to have fun on a busy schedule? Do you ever feel like you have stopped having FUN? How does it affect you?
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8 Responses to The Meaning Of Thunder
In a grad school group psychology class the prof asked everyone in the class to talk about one thing they did for fun. I couldn’t think of anything. That was a sad moment when I realized that I didn’t have any form of release for all the pent up feelings I was developing because I had no free time. That was a long time ago. Now I have a list of things I do for relaxation. I keep it in my day planner and when I feel that I am off center I do things on the list. It works for me. I hope you find your answers and thanks for the honesty you showed in your post.
Thanks, girl!
I dont always like being so public with that kind of stuff because a lot of people I know in real life read my blog.
However, I dont want to be one of those people who only showcases the good parts of life ya know?
Sticking my favourite music on VERY loudly always cheers me up if Im not in the position to go out and have a laugh with my friends
Thanks for the advice!
I often blast music as a stress reliever when I am driving.
I also sing along to it . . . REALLY loud.
It helps
Wow, I totally understand this feeling! And major props for being able to listen to yourself and your needs, and pinpoint the problem. Most people just stop at “I’m angry!”
As far as having fun with a busy schedule…hmm… I guess for me, it’s choosing to walk somewhere when I can drive, paying attention to the good things going on around me…. Lingering over dinner with my husband. Doing my Neil Diamond impersonation. Making MYSELF laugh sometimes is the best thing for me, ha! Silly little everyday things that just help me to release all that pent up busyness, I suppose.
I guess it’s the whole making-myself-slow-down thing that helps me to relax and have fun. If we are insanely busy, we set a time when ‘work’ — domestic, grad school stuff, job stuff, everything — is done for the day (even if it’s not “done”). It helps us to be more productive during normal work hours, and gives us the freedom to just have unabashed fun. We look forward to it each night! Even if it’s just a blocked break of 30 minutes, it’s so important to recharge with whatever makes you fulfilled, whole, and happy! Hope you can find some ways to get your groove back, girl!
Your right . . .
I need to be more loosey goosey about life and SLOW DOWN!
I need to fit a bit of fun and mindfulness into everyday instead of fitting it all in one day.
Black and white living has never helped anything.
I’m working pretty hard on trying to have more fun. For me it started with making a date with friends (on friday nights) that I try very hard not to miss. I really like (most of) the people I’m hanging around with and that is encouraging me to add more fun in my life. It also gives me something to look forward to all week. I know you have a packed schedule, but is there one time a week where you can do fun stuff with your friends/family to make a fun date?
I would love to do that.
Problem is, my friends arent friends so its hard to all hang out together without feeling like I would have to keep certian people happy you know?