Balancing Money: Spend On What You Believe In
The first thing Chris said when I text him what it cost to fix my car was . . .
“Don’t let it get you down, Sweetie.”
He’s pretty smart. He knew that I would go on a huge tantrum about money. I would complain about how ridiculous it was and how I would have to restrict my spending. I wouldn’t be able to do this or that or go here. I would make him feel pity for me because I was wronged. I wanted to feel like I had a reason to be mad or upset and be cared for a little extra.
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In my March update I told you about a book I was reading called Lost and Found by Geneen Roth. This book documents her story about losing over 1 million dollars in the Bernie Madoff scheme and what she learned from it all.
If your like me and have struggled with food issues, then this book is a MUST read. Once you have the awareness that something is wrong with the WAY you eat you (hopefully) go on a journey to find out exactly what that is. And if your brave you will go on to dig through the uncomfortable-ness of your belief systems and break the patterns that got you there where you will realize that your issues are not about food at all.
So working on these issues becomes your new “thing” or obsession. Along this long and scary process, lessons will be learned and things will begin to “click” and before you know it you will start winning more battles with food (and self) than losing.
But, if you truly don’t finish solving those issues . . .
THEY DON’T GO AWAY.
You cant lie to yourself. You cant deem yourself “fixed” if your not. I and many others have said that food issues are just the surface and now more than ever I believe it.
Lets take a look at my relationship with money . . .
I never think I have enough (food, weight-loss, confidence, beauty)
I restrict when I go off track (dieting, calorie counting, calorie saving)
I get obsessive about numbers and budgets (calories, obsession)
I go so long without spending that I breakdown and go on a spree (bingeing)
It revolves in a lot of my daily thoughts (obsession)
I save in hopes of using it when I am finally happy (excuses to stay overweight)
Buying something because I deserve it (bingeing, compulsive eating)
I let how much I have define me (self-worth, beauty, weight)
You can CLEARLY see here that the issues I have with myself have not gone away. They literally morphed from one part of my life to another as if leaving a shell of my former self behind. Yes, I broke through a lot but there is still more to shed and this time . . . its even HARDER!
The awareness of this has really got me deconstructing all my beliefs about anything! Its not that it wasn’t important to do before, but it seems almost more REAL this time. All along I thought my “problems” were directly related to my weight and issues with food and that was kind of comforting in a way. When they started to fade away (somewhat) something was STILL there that I couldn’t put my finger on and now here it is staring me in the face in another form.
I’m determined to take what I can from this and I already feel myself changing. Former beliefs are being challenged and habits are being broken. I am starting to really see what is true for me and can use this to start living more authentically.
What I can say about the actual money is this . . .
Spend your money on what you BELIEVE in.
Saving and budgeting have their place, of course. But your money is to be spent on what it is that YOU believe in.
For me, this means realizing that I should be lucky and grateful for having enough money to be where I am and doing what I’m doing even when I think I need more.
To not feel guilty for spending money on vacations, trips and meals out because its important and a vital part of our relationship and something we enjoy.
To demand and buy higher quality food because as a living being we deserve to feed ourselves well and if not many people see the importance in that yet, that’s their choice.
To spend when I feel its truly worth it and question my beliefs behind my impulse “gotta-have-it” buys.
To save for the right reasons and not just because I obsess over something bad that may happen in the future. Nothing is guaranteed and whatever happens is rarely ever what we plan for or think is going to happen.
For the record . . .
I did NOT ask for pity about spending money on my car. To me, it was money that had to be spent for my safety and to continue living my life, no questions asked. Kind of like when I buy something organic at a store. Yes, I see that its $2 more but I BELIEVE in it, so I don’t question it and it becomes my own personal “normal”.
My official response . . .
“I’m not. It needed to be done and I still have enough to live 
“
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Have you ever been brave enough to examine your issues with money? Are you in control? Very interested in what you have to say!
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9 Responses to Balancing Money: Spend On What You Believe In
Wow. I’ve been working out and letting go of a lot of issues I have with food and my body, but I never thought of my money issues actually being issues. I tend to be a huge tightwad and I worry about money, a lot. I always tell myself I’m just frugal or cautious, but I spend a lot of time thinking about and preparing for the worst. I think I’ll have to read this book. Thanks for the great post, Val.
Thanks, girl!
I never realized the connection either. I’m so glad I did though as its forced me to really tackle what my problems are head on. Now I truly know that there’s no one easy way to solve something.
I really do have to dig through all of this and come out authentic on the other side if I ever want to be happy
It sucks when you know you HAVE to spend money on something, but it still doesn’t make it any more fun.
Oh it’s far from fun!
But treating the situation with acceptance right off the bat was really helpful. I wasn’t in denial and I didn’t feel like i was owed anything extra because I was wronged for having to spend that kind of money on a car. Usually, I would have been depressed and gone on a spending diet and would beat myself up!
I know that my car is an important piece in my life right now and I couldn’t do the things I’m doing without it so it’s just something that has to be done.
I am terrible with money. I pretty much didn’t even try to start saving until I met my husband. When I was on the diet I would go through cycles of binging on food (but staying on budget) or being on the diet (and binging on non-essential purchases).
Right now I’m doing ok–the husband and I have a budget and with my new job we can add some more fun budget items (like a travel budget! fun!), but sometimes I still feel constrained and wanting to just be able to go into the bookstore and blow $100 on books and not worry about it–when I get that feeling I should probably pay attention to it, but there is something else going on!
Hello, this is an interesting subject. My relationship to money is oblivious. I think that is descriptive. I have gone from riches to rags, all my OWN decision making process. I have pushed everyone and everything away. I always had, and thought I always would. My thinking is, if they can make it, I can too! I have degrees, certificates, decades of experiences, low end operating home based businesses. It’s been a struggle all along, and for the past 2 years, I have lived on the poverty level. I do think I am great and wonderful, and deserve all my birth right allows. Getting close to money repels my energies. I’m getting close to rock bottom. And I say,…Interesting.
Thanks for stopping in!
I think you really need to look at the reasons why you push everyone and everything away.
That may reveal a lot about you and what you need to do to get away from rock bottom.
I too enjoyed reading Geneen Roth’s latest ‘Lost & Found’. I think there is a strong connection between food and money. Good post!
I have been thinking about money a lot lately (which happens naturally when planning a wedding) and the signs just keep popping up everywhere that I really need to reevaluate my relationship with money. I’ve requested that book from the library, thanks for a great eye opening post!
P.S. I’ve added you to my Google reader, loving your blog!