hawai’i - Part 2

hawai’i

challenging roots

I was obviously going through some “things” in January which resulted in a lot of unhappy days which is so unlike me. It took some time, but I figured out that the underlying reason for my rut was that not enough was challenging me in my professional life.

IMG_5974.JPG

I’ve known this feeling all too well. What seems like the perfect situation begins to feel heavy. You’ve learned all your soul can handle and it’s time to move on to something better, something different, or both! You question yourself over and over, sometimes for agonizing months whether you should make a change.  You try to suck it up because you feel bad when others don’t even have a job or wish they have what you have.  The heaviness doesn’t change.  It gets worse and worse until every day its hard to get out of bed and just get there to do what you have to do. You change your mindset again and again and some days are good but most leave you exhausted physically and mentally even though its something that should not make you this tired!

When things have gotten down to this, I’ve always asked myself what would make me more happy and more motivated.  Having a job that made money but wasn’t right anymore?  Or would I be happier “struggling”on an adventure to find and do something new?  If the latter made me more happy, it was time to go, period.

Happiness Counts . . .

Because of this question alone, I’ve taken many pay cuts and have had some odd jobs for experience and change and even though money has been tight at times, I have always found myself on higher ground from where I started. It’s the reason I was gutsy enough to move to Hawaii with absolutely nothing for no real reason. It’s the reason why I trust my intuition more and more each year.

I understand if this isn’t a possible decision for many to make.  I understand that with children or severe financial constraints that this wouldn’t even be a thought or that these leaps of faith would have to be a bit more calculated.  I am grateful that my life thus far has been able to support these decisions and keep me moving on a path that I don’t always know where it will lead no matter how many times I’ve hit rock bottom.

And so, at the beginning of February I quit my “dream” job.

This one was really tough.  I truly thought it would be the be-all-end-all of my career. I never again had to worry about where I was going or what company I would work for.  I made so many connections, friends, experiences … everything you could imagine. It HAD to be it!

Putting all of your eggs in one basket and having such one-track thinking about a career in the food industry will usually set you up for disappointment. Interestingly enough, I feel relief and I feel new and honored that there is more out there for me. And its taken a while to feel this way, but I am proud enough that I have made this decision because I deserved to feel happy.

Right now, more means adjusting my life my life in Hawaii. Since my husband is gone for long periods of time, I wanted to spend my time working on something not only big, but also in a different place.  I wanted to be able to travel to other cities and work and have the flexibility to come back when he is back because my marriage will always be #1.  And because I asked for this and worked towards this, I have been given some excellent opportunities that will continue to not only challenge me, but also support my personal life.

Sometimes what you think is best in life will fall apart to fall together better and all that jazz . . . 

I am currently on the mainland right now and learning so many new and valuable skills. I am getting back to my roots with food and enjoying new places before my career will soon blow back up into that crazy busy but rewarding work that I’ve missed so much.

Since I can’t spill the beans about my upcoming projects just yet, I can write about my health journey in the last couple months which has definitely had its share of ups and downs.

On another note, I am grateful to have this space to document my ever-changing journey.  Documenting my feelings at pivotal points in my life and being able to look back at them make me feel human, vulnerable and motivated to keep going at whatever it is that may be in front of me.  Thank you to anyone that reads or has followed along in any way!

xo

 

For the next 2 years . . .

In my last post which sparked some interesting conversation OUTSIDE of social media, I explained why I have fallen out of love with Hawaii.  I don’t want to offend anyone that still is in love with it, and were born and raised and/or plan to stay forever.  I also don’t want to give the impression that I still don’t LOVE Hawaii.  I feel like our relationship has definitely changed and I am just ready to look at it in a different way.  Maybe I am ready to look at it for the parts of “vacation” it actually is and not a playing field where I must work my ass off and be successful only to leave. I know once we move away there will be SO much that I’ll miss and parts of it I wish I could always keep with me.  And unless we somehow get stationed here again, it’s comforting to know that it will always be here . . . for vacation purposes ;)

I LOVE Hawaii . . .

I’m not IN LOVE with Hawaii . . . 

I started thinking a lot about what could help me make the most of the rest of my time here.  Honestly, I think that a lot of the pressure was just even ADMITTING that my time was coming to a close.  Now, I feel like I can let go a bit and start making some changes.

Moving

In divine time, our lease is up at the end of March.  Our current apartment will always be dear to my heart in some ways.  Not only is it HUGE with ocean views and so close to the center of Honolulu, it was also the first place my husband and I lived together.  I am grateful that him and our current roommate took me in as their own and have enjoyed all the times we shared. Even though it’s stressful, I am looking forward to finding a new spot that could feel more like “home” in the midst of a chaotic life. Mike’s schedule has him being away for a lot of the next 2 years and I plan to travel so when we do get to re-connect, it will be nice having a place that is more condensed and decorated to our personal liking.  This also gives me a HUGE task to pack, purge and research places as he will be away again for another good chunk of time in the near future.

Work Less + Work Different

IMG_5318.JPG

I refuse to say anything bad about the company I work for in a public forum, but I have been quite unhappy with my job for reasons I cannot control. At first, I planned leaving completely and liked the idea and excitement of figuring out what’s next. After further contemplation and talking with everyone there, It’s been decided that I will continue to work, but just less.  I have already trained my replacement before we went on our winter trip and now I can help support the kitchen and the team and still have a lot of time left in the week for creative freedom and wife duties. I can FEEL that the future has great plans for my career and even though they haven’t come to life yet, I know that letting go of what I thought would BE my career will bring me there. Sounds completely insane but it truly is the only thing that forces me up my personal ladder.

Tap into Health

IMG_5355.JPG

I slipped into my healthiest self in the fall of 2014 following my own program.  It wasn’t long before my mind was thinking more clear, I was positive about everything, I challenged myself and life just felt it was as it should be. It took less than a month to falter back into old habits proving that 21 days is NOT long enough to hammer in a habit. I’ve admitted before that I have a problem with consistency and I vow to change that in 2015. The foundation of my life should be a healthy lifestyle with decadent foods and celebrations and rest time added in, not the other way around. There are so many hikes and active things I want to accomplish before I leave the island with no regrets. I am working on compiling a list of those so I can start checking them off along with a CONSISTENT workout and eating guideline.  I’ve proved over and over that I know what works for me, now I just have to stick to it until its stuck to me forever.

Travel 

IMG_5782.JPG

Working less means I get to travel more which is GREAT! Mike and I have found that a 48-72 hour stay in a new city is PERFECT for exploring, relaxing and re-connecting.  We do have a few trips we want to take this year and plan on tacking 3 days onto the end of it in a random place to get us some more culture and experiences in life.  Another big thing is that during Mike’s 6 month deployment, I plan on spending it off island.  At this point, I am not sure where it will be or how I can fit a job into it, but I know that I would be happiest somewhere else missing him if that makes sense but also being productive and not feeling stuck here. Distraction helps those periods of time go by quickly and I might as well enjoy a new experience while I can. We’ll also have a good chunk of months on island together afterwards so we can enjoy our final time in the place we met forever after.

COOK!

IMG_5717.JPG

We had the absolute pleasure of seeing my bestest friend from culinary school on our trip. We talked about being chefs and food and careers and everything in between.  It made me truly miss how much I love just learning about food, being around food and CREATING it.  Sure, I cook at home and I cook at work, but there is a deep connection to the type of food I was trained to cook that I must re-connect with.  I’m hoping this reconnect will bring about some amazing and unique recipes to share on the blog and pinterest!

Life is going to change a WHOLE lot once we leave Hawaii. In fact, we have zero idea where we will be stationed and even less of an idea if we’re going to like it or not.  Add to that, our plans for starting a family BEFORE his navy career is over and you got quite a change. Even though I’ve fallen out of love with Hawaii, it may be the last chance for me to just be myself, have fun and is a lesson in enjoying life for what it is by making the best of it.