Ok, I have no snazzy or endearing way to lead up to this, so here it goes . . .
I WANT to lose weight.
Notice I said WANT instead of NEED?
Technically, I don’t NEED to lose weight. I’m not at risk for disease and my weight is not affecting my physical quality of life, but its true that I am overweight and its making me unhappy.
How do I know its true that I am overweight?
Well, because back over 6-7 years ago, I was eating normally (i.e intuitively) and I wasn’t obsessed with diets or macros or body image so much. I weighed a lot less then . . about 20lbs less.
Ironically, its when I started to get a high interest in diets and health that I started a vicious cycle of gaining and losing. The harder I tried the more I gained and in the process it took all of my self esteem and confidence (which was little then too) down the drain.
When I read the book Intuitive Eating . . .
I was so friggin’ happy. It seriously was a breath of fresh air that I knew would immensely change my life so I can break free from this diet-body image prison I was living in that no longer allowed me to be my true self for fear that everyone would judge me . . . or dismiss me
Say what you want about loving yourself no matter what weight you are . . . but what happens when your outnumbered with people who think the opposite and will judge you anyway.
I’m sure a lot of you don’t know what its like to be an overweight personal trainer or “health advocate” and have people look at you like your crazy when you tell them how to lose weight or be healthy . . . .
Its awkward, its uncomfortable, it hurts . . .
But I digress . . .
The book really changed my life . . . I was happy with myself even though I wasn’t the vision of “perfect” I was forever trying to obtain. I would eat until I was satisfied. I passed up naughty foods because I truly didn’t want them at the time. I started losing weight! People started noticing! I found a way out!
And then it stopped . . .
My old habits trickled back into my life slowly . . .
It was then I realized more than ever that . . .
ITS NOT ABOUT THE DAMN FOOD!!
During these 2 weeks, I it was clear that all of my emotional issues that caused me to overeat were being replaced by the hyperconsciousness of eating intuitively.
My new obsession became learning how to NOT obsess!
So, I went to work on my emotions . . .
I sought some help. I did some reading. I hung out with myself to the point where I did nothing so I could see who I was without my monkey mind. I still didn’t diet . . . and I still don’t.
I must pat myself on the back for how far I have come, as I did make a lot of positive changes in my mind and in my life at this time.
But something still is not right . . . something that I cant put my finger on and its been eating at me for months!
I think its finally time to admit that it is my body. When I look at myself, I see all the stress and all the emotions that just piled up that I couldn’t let out.
These emotions are physically protecting me from something I’m not afraid of any more and I’m sick of it!
Its time to put a plan in action . . .
Every day at work, I preach health and how important it is to take care of your body and let it heal naturally. Friends and family ask me about health related things or recipes. Hell, I’m paying A LOT of money to make a living out of cooking whole healthy foods and yet . . .
IM NOT EMBRACING HEALTH MYSELF!!
These past few months have been life changing for me, really. The emotions, the new experiences . . . the adjusting. Its been so hard and rewarding at the same time. I have so many ideas and so many great things I want to accomplish and I just feel like I need to make a change.
Sure, I love myself now, but is it so wrong to know Ill love myself even MORE when I’m healthy and lighter?
I think that now its time to get out of this crisis mode and figure out the next step in my health. Something not rigid or too structured. Something that isnt a diet. Something that will satisfy all aspects of health, mind body and soul.
I have a lot of thinking to do! Thanks for listening . . .
Am I wrong here? What do you think? Have you felt like this about your weight?
Well, its that time again.
Time to take a plunge back into reality . . .
I realized in the past two weeks I had the equivalent of 8 whole days off! So I guess it was a spread out stay-cation. . . where I have gotten used to all the rest and having few commitments.
Highlights Of My Holiday Adventures
- Christmas Dessert Contest 2010
- The Big Blizzard Of 2010
- Celebrating The Simple Kind Of Life
- Balancing Val’s Makeover
- Happy Flu Year 2011!
The truth is, I get really depressed this time of year. Almost to the point where its pretty serious. I mean, nothing really happens. Its cold and dark and my favorite thing to do is sleep . . all I ever want in this part of the year is to sleep until its warm and sunny again. But I always run into the problem of feeling guilty for not “doing anything” during that time and such begins a vicious cycle of fat talk and loads of negativity.
Last night, I thought I would seriously cry.
But I didn’t.
One thing that I really learned in 2010 is that I am in control of my own emotions. Hey, it worked on my first day of school so why stop at one day?
This is your chance to flip your emotions and make the year, day, week or even minute exactly what you want it to be!
Try it . . . just take what you feel or what you think you are going to feel and focus on the complete opposite. It sounds silly, and you may have to fake it till you make it, but it’s the only way to start.
Being back in the groove of life is a GOOD thing!
Instead of feeling down, CHOOSE to feel positive, energetic and alive!
Are You With Me? Tell me what emotion you will be trying to flip in 2011?