hitting rock bottom: june 16th 2011
**looking back on this well written yet un-published post astounds me. Nearly four months to the day after i wrote this I hit my ‘rock bottom’ on my culinary school graduation day when I was let go in a long term relationship that quickly avalanched into a situation where I had nothing left in my life but a crazy idea to move away to Hawaii for no reason where I completely changed my life forever.
Still, I don’t think that people need this elusive rock bottom to follow what the are inherently good at and make a career for themselves. Some people are just cool enough to be their own catalysts even when the floor hasn’t fell out from under them.
I also still believe you should share yourself no matter what. Who knows, this post could have been my invitation . . . My order to the universe for the perfect storm that was well received**
hitting rock bottom: june 16th 2011
Upon entering the depths of digital and community entrepenuership, I have spent a lot of my time doing SO MUCH RESEARCH. I’ve been reading blog posts, buying e-books and learning everything there is to know about those successful people that launched their own passion based business and now live the life they want.
The story always goes like this . . .
- Person has a good paying job at company X making a good income.
- Person decides that even though they are doing what they are “supposed” to, they aren’t doing what they love and feel spiritually undernourished.
- Person quits their job and hits rock bottom. This could mean jail, drug addiction, homelessness failed relationships etc.
- Person starts their own business and lives to tell the tale and even charge your for it. And . . . YOU BUY IT!
As amused as I am by these stories, I can’t help but think, what is my rock bottom?
Which one of my seemingly genius ideas are going to take many months or years of efforts only to flop so hard on my face leaving me with the most valuable thing of all
. . . A lesson.
I like lessons, I do. But lessons aren’t always good enough to pay the bills. It makes me wonder if people will take me seriously if i don’t have such a tortuous past of life changing experiences.
What if I have played my life so safe up to this point that my experiences are null?
If I told you I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up that’s just what I did.
OR
I told you I was a drug addict living in a dumpster eating food scraps and ‘found the light’ one day and landed myself some lucky ass scholarship that would eventually allow me that same job as an astronaut.
Who’s story would you want to hear? Who would you pay to take advice about how to change your livf and do what you love?
Honestly?
It freaks me out because I never feel like my story is good enough. I haven’t jumped through rings of fire that were burning hot enough. But does that not mean I can’t be good at what I’m good at?
Absolutely not.
Experiences are different for everyone. I could have gone through something as equally challenging as living in a dumpster except in my head instead. The circumstance is obviously different and I’m thankful for not having to do that, but it doesn’t mean I’m less knowledgable or good enough to teach YOU something too.
The Lesson?
Share yourself no matter what. Big or small, no experience is too small for someone out there and that is a comforting truth I’m learning to believe. Experience in REAL life is what people crave when they need help with the most important thing . . . . Themselves in the real world.
grey < rainbows
It’s gloomy in Newark that morning but honestly, I always think of grey gloominess when I think of the town I’m only in when I’m flying away from it.
This morning brings about the second time I’m flying to Hawaii. I broke the ice by spending 3 weeks in NJ with friends, family, my new niece and a better understanding of myself which isn’t something I was expecting to pack into my carry-on this time around.
I cried when I said goodbye to my family all the while knowing that these are the consequences and feelings I must deal with being the ‘exiled’ one but I can only do the things I’m driven to do even if that means being so far away from all the comforts I’ve come to known over the past 28 years.
I cried once again while Marie was away from the car getting me my last dunkin donuts coffee for at least a few months. But something strange happened. Those tears were much different. They were tears of fear.
Lately when I feel fear this outer perception kicks in automatically inviting me to observe myself outside of the situation. I quickly realized I was robotically crying tears of fear + scaredness when in actuality I wasn’t really scared at all.
In fact, I was more scared of the chance of missing my connecting flight in Atlanta than I was to come back to Hawaii where I must rebuild my life again by finding/creating a part-time job, obtaining a new vehicle and oh, launching t-shirt line.
This time around my blank slate has a foundation, it has ground to stand on that I created by throwing myself to the wolves of life and coming back scarred but stronger than ever.
It sounds crazy, but I can’t help but be proud of myself for being in a situation where I have to start over. I’m realizing that in life things go away (cars, jobs, relationships, love, et ceterea) in order to give you the chance to do things the way you TRULY want if you have the guts.
As I write this I am finally on the long plane ride back to Hawaii. The air is stale and I am surrounded by couples, young and old embarking on a journey to a place where they plan to relax, enjoy beautiful scenery and create experience for a WHOLE week, maybe two tops.
Then there is me alone on the end seat, cramped, sore, with a glass of cheap wine in my stomach and uncomfortable, ready to create the experience yet again for her WHOLE life.
