my first away-from-home thanksgiving night ended later than expected, but it ended well as i made a last minute decision to go out and have a beer with good company. since i hadnt had one sip of alcohol in over a month, my liver was ‘thanking’ me by churning away at my stomach all night. i now remember why i vowed to drink less of my precious beer.
i woke up in a bit of a fog but still somehow had the foresight to look at my credit card statement. somehow, i missed the payment date again. fuck.
i keep paying the damn bill but my timing has been off as so many due dates have been added to my confusing alert list since moving to this rock. as i reluctantly paid the extra $70, an internal panic attack ensued.
first thing i do in such situations is put ‘vegetarian’ in the craigslist search box for jobs. when i saw quite a few available i was relieved.
i can always just … get a job, right?
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what i failed to mention in my last few blog posts was that for the past 3 months i have been working the job i so valiantly tried to turn down. as i was writing the email to my now boss/spiritual mentor/friend, i remember how crazy it was to tell her that i wasn’t going to be happy working so much if i didnt have time to focus on my business. then i remember that last minute sentence i added on gut instinct about saying that i would be interested in working … but just less.
the next day she called, and i actually picked up the phone to face it head on. i didnt expect her to be mean, but i did expect tension and a super awkward conversation.
expectations are the quickest path to hell …
she ended up telling me that she valued my happiness and wanted me to work on my hearts desires. she also told me that she saw huge potential and success in me after picking me out of 40-something applicants and only meeting for about 20 minutes. she was willing to have me work less and do whatever it took to have me there, but also be happy.
this, was not a coincidence.
the past 3 months have changed my life significantly in ways i could never imagine. the power of nature is a truly strong force and i have been able to take a big part in the role of ridding somebody of their body-wide cancer using zero drugs or supplements or ANYTHING that is remotely related to western medicine. long story short, i witnessed a miracle.
you could only imagine the lessons i have learned with just this one aspect. however it was much more than that for me. ive gained an incredible value and respect for myself and others and for the first time, i am living my own truth despite what anybody else’s truth may be.
the program is done as of tuesday. my plan was to be continually working on my OWN business ventures while i was working for my patient. well, little of my work was done as i was soaking in all of the information and grabbing my bearings in this whole aspect of food that i never dreamed i would experience.
the good news is that its not over. i have been given the opportunity to have a space in the world where i can fulfill my life’s purpose as food and healing educator + activist and be a strong foundation of a growing sustainable community prototype.
the problem? …
i have to take another leap and do it myself.
right now i have the SPACE to make my dreams come true. now i have to do the work. i have to put myself out there. i have to develop classes, programs and lectures that people will actually WANT to go to. i have to refine my coaching skills. i have to continue my t-shirt designs and promote and market the shit out of myself.
for now on, all of the money i make will be through my own efforts. that my friends, is a hard shot of wheatgrass to swallow. this morning, searching for that list of jobs was another safety tactic designed by ‘old val’. since i have no safety net, that would be the most logical thing to do. however, i KNOW myself enough to know that getting another job would BE that safety net. it would give me an excuse to be SO BUSY that i couldnt work on this or that. it would leave me in my comfort zone by letting somebody else take responsibility of where my gluten-free bread and vegan butter come from …
well, im done with that.
its time to leap yet again. its time to be vulnerable + work hard and smart and really deliberately create my future.
again, isnt that what trapeze artists do?
a lot of people have this pre-conceived notion that im spending most of my time on a beautiful beach with a mai tai and recovering hang overs with freshly hacked coconut water. don’t get me wrong I am fucking lucky to be living here, but what people don’t realize is that hawaii is just like life on the mainland, just with a much more beautiful backdrop.
lanikai is my frrravrite
there is still traffic, bills to pay, jobs to work, blue stop signs and street names I STILL have trouble pronouncing. ive had a lot of fun here, but sometimes I feel like im not even LIVING here. since ive landed, ive felt this clenching feeling. sometimes its stronger than other times but basically, it’s a protection mechanism. its hard for me to relax and go do the things that this island has to offer when you are constantly working and/or worrying about the future. because of this feeling, ive been very successful in my work but damnit . . . ive paid my dues enough to feel like I deserve to play a bit.
actually, I never needed to ‘pay dues’ in order to deserve to play . . . nobody does! just by being a human being in this world you . . . yes YOU deserve to have fun and actually live life.
one of the biggest things I want to accomplish is being able to have a rich life outside my work. ive read enough blog posts and experienced enough situations to know that being able to let loose and not feel guilty is the key to a successful presence in this world.
so ima’ play!
yea, sounds wrong right? the girl starting her business in one of the most remote places of the world is going to make sure she has fun in the process. I want to BE the example of the life im going to help teach others how to live and that’s where it all starts. with me.
I officially have a little over 3 weeks until I start my new temporary position at a raw foods retreat home and in that time of course I will be working my ass off, but ill also be playing weird.
work hard, play weird.
that’s my motto from now on. I choose the word weird because I think it reflects the uniqueness in a person in a light hearted joking matter. to me it means, do the things that you truly enjoy without guilt. for instance, I love going to gay asian karaoke bars just as much as I love sitting at home with netflix and a 6 pack of sierra nevada.
so, this means you will not only get business updates, but also play updates too.
today I . . .
- slept in! yes, sleeping in means I got up close to 8am. im definitely a morning person but this felt pretty good.
- (will be) meeting a friend at the airport who is moving to the island. the catch? ive never met her before. what brought us together was . . . search engine optimization. a while back, I did a post about the things I miss from home. trader joe’s ranked up there with family. after I wrote the post I plugged in some keywords about hawaii not having a trader joes so that when people were wondering, they would hopefully hit my post. sure enough, she was trying to scope out the tjs situation out here and found that we both had the ‘moving to hawaii’ thing in common. we talked a lot through fb and text for a few months while I rambled about my dating life and job situation and also talked about the challenges faced with moving here. the long countdown ends today where ill be picking her up from the airport. oh, and she also shipped some sunbutter and trail mix that ive been craving, score! little does she know shes getting leid the second she sees me. (that never gets old)
-(will be) possibly be having dinner cooked FOR ME for once by a special friend. so excited that I barely care if its edible! but, that’s mostly because ill be bringing back up beer . . . when in doubt, right?
- (will be) finishing $100 startup. my goal was to get it read by the end of july so that I can fully start my IE course certification in august. at this point, I only have an hour left before I have to shower so I doubt ill get it done but im not worried.
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looks like today will be more play than work! . . . s’alll good mang!
love and mahalos!